Monday, February 21, 2011

Remains of Day - Tanka



remains of the day
dance long to the window sill
beacon lamplighter
perfume memories linger
day scripts Love to moon pillow

bkmackenzie
copyrighted 2011

Posted for One Stop Poetry - Tanka Exercise

Thank you Lady Nyo for explaining so clearly the Tanka Form
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13 comments:

  1. Kerry O'ConnorFebruary 21, 2011 at 11:08 AM

    This is a beautifully expressed message of love - each line is perfect, but the last is sublime.

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  2. AndreasFebruary 21, 2011 at 11:14 AM

    gorgeous, just gorgeous

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  3. UnknownFebruary 21, 2011 at 11:19 AM

    So Lovely!

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  4. AsobimeFebruary 21, 2011 at 11:20 AM

    A lovely, playful tanka, that has that 'hidden' message beyond surface meaning. As I have learned, this is important to the tanka sentiment.

    Quite a lovely tanka.

    Lady Nyo

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  5. Priyanka BhowmickFebruary 21, 2011 at 11:47 AM

    beautiful attempt!

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  6. hedgewitchFebruary 21, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    Amazing, barbara. Subtle, but really quite direct as well. And it works as just a poem even if you know little about the history and nuances of the form. Really excellent writing. I love the descriptive and beautiful middle, turning line especially.

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  7. TrulyfoolFebruary 21, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    Barbara,

    A post-love scene, lover departed, afterglow in moon-tint.

    Good one!

    Trulyfool

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  8. dsFebruary 21, 2011 at 1:17 PM

    Oh, lovely! "Dance long to the window sill" and "moon pillow" mmmm. Yes, I believe you have caught the spirit of Tanka with this (i want to try one!)--and of course i love the photo of the window ;)

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  9. DulceFebruary 21, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    that moon pillow is a phrase for the archives

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  10. Sherry Blue SkyFebruary 21, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    So romantic. I, too, especially loved dance long to the window and the moon pillow. In fact, I now WANT a moon pillow!!!!!

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  11. Brian MillerFebruary 21, 2011 at 3:48 PM

    yeah that last line just rolls off the tongue...tight tanka...

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  12. ReflectionsFebruary 21, 2011 at 4:19 PM

    Love the strong imagery, melting through the fogged glass, like the dim lights.

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  13. The UnknowngnomeFebruary 22, 2011 at 3:32 AM

    I like.

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