Tuesday, January 25, 2011

not here, not there



 Love is nowhere - it is not here, not there
 Somewhere a heart open. Where? Be what kind?
 My world has gone empty the trees gone bare

Winter has fallen, chill fells the noon air
Tremble in sorrow for love, this my mind
Love is nowhere - it is not here, not there

Where 'morrow, without her love’s sweet care?
Sorrow, holds tight my life here un-reclined
My world has gone empty the trees gone bare

My heart grows cold without a touch so fair
Sorrows reason chosen to be declined
Love is nowhere - it is not here, not there

The nights darkness, turned light to be unshared
I cry my sorrow, Where? Good grace to find!
My world has gone empty the trees gone bare

Sense I, her last breath kiss the cold night air?
Be it her heart calling me? “ here you'll find"
Love is nowhere - it is not here, not there
My world has gone empty the trees gone bare

bkmackenzie
copyrighted 2011

Posted for Magpie Tales and Villanelle Exercise....One StopPoetry...

41 comments:

  1. I love your villanelle...it is most excellent!!!!! I've had fun playing around with that form. I still have not managed to get back to the sestina I'd started.

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  2. thank you Suzi...I could not think of one yesterday when the lesson came out...but Tess's photo..tuned me into this...blessings...bkm

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  3. The villanelle style certainly lends itself to this romantic subject. Elegant, B.

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  4. thank you Tess..enjoyed the prompt...
    thank you Neva...blessings...bkm

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  5. I enjoyed reading that. Sad but sad done so well.

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  6. hauntingly sad and beautiful of lost love.

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  7. glad you gave it a go with the villanelle - and you have done well. you have strong A1 and A2 refrains (important cause they form the backbone of the piece), the structure is correct and pentameter throughout almost the whole poem - the only line where you could cut one syllable is "Sorrows reason unable (I) to assign" that would make it 5 beats and the whole poem pentameter. some of the b rhymes don't rhyme really good in my opinion: they should all rhyme with "kind" - some rhyme well: find, un-reclined, some could be improved like: mine, assign, here - these should all be b-rhymes. but apart from this, it's very elegant and a beautiful word choice. your style of writing goes well with the villanelle form. kudos for your first villanell - i really like it

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  8. well done on the villanelle! I really admire that you've written in a poetic form. Its something I want to do myself but shy away from. And it works so well. Very romantic too!

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  9. thank you Claudia...your feedback to so appreciated...and gives me much to work with....blessings...bkm

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  10. oh what a haunting piece...what does that chill wind say...and is it just empty...nice bk

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  11. Wonderful Villanelle....good take on the prompt.

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  12. I recognized the villanelle style right away. I've never tried one myself. Your style is very well suited for it, like Claudia said! Hauntingly beautiful work.

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  13. You really have a mastery of the villanelle! (It's one of my favorite forms, so it was doubly wonderful for me to read your poem today!) Romantic and haunting.

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  14. Beautiful villanelle...like an Elizabethan madrigal..

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  15. Hey! Thanks to One Stop I recognize this as a villanelle!
    It really is beautiful but so very sad.

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  16. Very well-crafted villanelle...and a beautiful, sorrowful theme.

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  17. Gonna hafta try that Villanelle--it looks like so much fun! And you created a perfect example for a 'newbie' (me).

    Loved Claudia's critique, she is to the point correct, and will not let one 'slip through' the cracks. She's a GOOD teacher, and does it with
    L O V E

    Maybe you do this again? Soon? Hope so!

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  18. A fine villanelle, bkm, done with a gracefulness that makes it easy to forget what a difficult form it can be. An imaginative take on a very suggestive visual prompt.

    Thanks for your kind words on my blog. I am here returning the visit, like what I see, and have signed up for more. I look forward to further explorations and interactions here.

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  19. The form echos the churning feelings that love stirs around...

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  20. Ah those trees gone bare why? is winter the season of the non loving or not loved souls?
    This is a so well written and sad villanell...

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  21. I am in total awe! This reads and flows so elegantly, I thought I could be reading Shakespeare. The form looks difficult, yet you make it look so easy. The rhythm is perfect and the repeated lines very effective. Very romantic, and poignant.

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  22. Elegant melancholy... done very well! I too am still struggling with the form, but hopefully soon something... words will spill forth for the villanelle.

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  23. Wonderful villanelle. Your words are always beautiful and lyrical.

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  24. Oh My...this is a love poem for a love poet...so touching and enveloping, like an icy fog in the cold winter of love. You must know, this one is right up my alley. :)

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  25. Villanelles are tough to write...I know when I tried this poetic form it gave me a headache (^_^) but it definitely test your writing skills...nicely done.

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  26. so sad-and so lovely- well done!

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  27. When it comes to the romantic poem you are the best! I love it's sadness.

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  28. Very enjoyable villanelle, and the refrains echo the barren frozen quality of the photo. Sorry I missed this Monday, but glad I caught it for mag. I do love your style, it's all your own.

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  29. The sadness is strong in this, very well done.

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  30. Beautifully done, so mournful and beautiful at the same time.

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  31. awesome, awesome, awesome villanelle! It was so rhythmical I didn't want it to end.

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  32. Thank you all for your beautiful comments and I would like to thank One Stop Poetry for such wonderful support in their writing challenges...bkm

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  33. "My world has gone empty the trees gone bare." Great line.

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  34. Beautiful and melancholy indeed, my friend.

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  35. This is breathtakingly romantic with trails of tears inbetween the lines...one of the wonderful examples of why I love your poetry Bkm!! :-)

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  36. I feel the emptiness of winter in this piece. Very well written, and I like the Villanelle form too

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  37. This might have a melancholic undertone to it... but the web you weave with your amazing words leaves us (the readers) with no choice but to get caught in it!
    A wonderful take on the mag prompt, bkm... really beautiful!

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  38. lovely magpie.

    your words are very engaging here.

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