i felt of autumn beneath an apple tree
gathered on bed of leaf and sage nestled firm
where you first imparted sweet tenderness to me
and my love for you I did so ardently confirm,
my age not great enough to total understand
the given weighing of this latest mortal fall
taking the fruit, slicing it between our God and man
leave it i shall! 'til my breath moves to filter all
creed and dogma; the altars built of sculptor's stone
for a shelter, a canopy that shades world above
and know a garden which you (so gently) kissed into this bone
uniting shame to salvation, gift of autumn's gracious love -
a passion merged blessed; beauty standing without heaven's reason
as repentence banned, suspended (still) - seeks its own earthly season
bkmackenzie
copyrighted 2010
sonnet number 1
i will say i have never written a sonnet...i will say i love the imagery...and the mixture of divine and sexual...kissing the garden sounds rather naughty...smiles.
ReplyDeletePossibly the best sonnet Fall has ever read...
ReplyDeleteOh lovely. Love the depth and breadth and rich, rich, symbolism of this. Garden, fall, shame, salvation. Incredibly well done. And perhaps your first sonnet, judging by the interview at Jingle Poetry? If so, double wow. Keep it coming. My visits here are a highlight in my day.
ReplyDeleteI'm no expert when it comes to sonnets but I thought this one was beautiful.
ReplyDeletenice. i like the way you swizzled the words...from my first reading...
ReplyDeleteLovely sonnet...transcendent. Worth many a re-reads. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThis is a wowzer! Incredibly beautiful and deep - it reads like a Shakespearean sonnet! SO well done! I love the last lines especially. A round of applause, please, ladies and gentlemen :)
ReplyDeleteWhat beautiful writing and incredible images.
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much, I really want to do some more of these pieces and your input is so wonderful....thank you...bkm
ReplyDeleteA lovely sonnet in the classic form. Beautiful images in this poem!
ReplyDeleteA pure and glowing poem! Beautifully done!
ReplyDeleteBarb,
ReplyDeleteBeautiful sonnet. I love it.
Pamela
so beautiful autumn fever,
ReplyDeleteloved reading it.
rich imagery, a lovely sonnet
ReplyDeleteabsolutely lovely. great imagery. ü
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed. I'm afraid to try anything as formal as a sonnet, and you have done it brilliantly!
ReplyDeleteVery well done. Impressive.
ReplyDeletestellar sonnet...lovely
ReplyDeleteWonderful piece of writing. I think a sonnet would be vary challenging for me...
ReplyDeleteI truly love sonnets...this is a fine piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteAmazing poem! You have talent.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of one of my favorite lines from "To Mount and Rove": I walked towards the rising Autumn and cursed the Summer with the promise of a Winter. Fantastic work, keep these coming! You keep doing some amazing work!
ReplyDeleteThe carnal and celestial wrapped in a sonnet. Nice!
ReplyDeleteHappy potluck.
Wow-- you writing a sonnet! A lovely surprise, and beautifully done.
ReplyDeleteYour Sonnet 1 is a fantastic beginning...what a sensual treat. Very nicely done :)
ReplyDeleteyou write sonnet, i write nothingness haha! no wonder you got all the rave comments!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant sonnet. I'm torn between the Garden of Eden and every human relationship. Mighty powerful, bears studying.
ReplyDeleteVictoria
This is a main course in this week's Potluck. Nicely done, bkm!
ReplyDeleteFantastic!
ReplyDeleteLovely wording and so appropriate at this time of year. I write sonnets a fair bit, not sure if I'll write any more though (I do just have one more to rewrite, it may show it's face at some point), I find them restrictive to say the least, and I'm a form-lover. Though I see here you've done away with traditional sonnet meter entirely, which loosens the straightjacket somewhat.
ReplyDeleteNice modern sonnet
regards
Luke @ WordSalad
(mine are here -
To Ashes: http://wp.me/pTeVg-ca
Let Me: http://wp.me/pTeVg-bW
Indigenous: http://wp.me/pTeVg-bK
What a wonderful sonnett...you are so very talented my friend. Thanks for sharing xx
ReplyDeleteAmazingly crafted and much to think about in it.
ReplyDeleteJP
So much lush meaning in the lines, and between the lines..nothing like getting lost in love..it's fine wine!!
ReplyDeleteSimply, quietly beautiful.
ReplyDeletesuch superb sonnet skills!
ReplyDeleteI really like your background BTW...
I'll be around more!
Barbara, this is very beautiful!! Nice flowing words that melt in mind- Very well crafted.. :)
ReplyDeleteLove xxx