Tuesday, August 9, 2011

afterthoughts





she moved
in afterthoughts and
un-punctuated sentences

amid summer
mid-day shadows swallowing
walkways of cobble - brindled brown 

contrary a cross stitched 
landscape
dispels duty- throws off prior promise
to shelter her memories
as unconstrained
pathways - unevenly mastered
unlined
or marked plumb


bkmackenzie
copyrighted 2011



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23 comments:

  1. VictoriaAugust 9, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    Another stunning write, Barbara. I love the opening stanza...moving in afterthoughts and unpunctuated sentences. Life is confusing like that sometimes.

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  2. Brian MillerAugust 9, 2011 at 7:02 PM

    your opening stanza is a gripper...really like it...second one as well...still wrapping my brain around the last one...i do like the marked plumb...

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  3. Pat HattAugust 9, 2011 at 7:03 PM

    Wonderful word connections in this piece, cross stitched lanscape was great.

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  4. SheilaAugust 9, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    there is a sense of wanting to forget but not being able to in this. shadows swallowing - like that. the write seems like her thoughts - unpunctuated afterthoughts - a mood to match the meaning of the poem (for me.)

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  5. hedgewitchAugust 9, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    Yes, a character study of conflict and emotion and the struggle for control, or at least definition, or so it feels to me. As always, artfully composed to lead the eye and mind along the path, "unevenly mastered, unlined or marked plum."

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  6. AnonymousAugust 9, 2011 at 7:22 PM

    Love the marked plumb which seems to end with logic while the body of the poem floats with creativity.

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  7. AnonymousAugust 9, 2011 at 7:27 PM

    The opening stanza goes straight for the jugular - and I particularly liked this image:

    mid-day shadows swallowing
    walkways of cobble

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  8. Mark KerstetterAugust 9, 2011 at 7:40 PM

    It could be a struggle for control, as others have said, but I also see an affirmation of the innermost part of a person: the soul hides out where you least expect to find it, that's how it survives.

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  9. Anna @ waysidewordgardenAugust 9, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    Really love these lines:
    "she moved
    in afterthoughts and
    un-punctuated sentences"

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  10. Henry ClemmonsAugust 9, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    WIthout punctuation life is left up to interpretation. Not everything we run in to has a comma to slow us down. A very kool and sophisticated write. You are silk smooth. I've mised your way with passion and presentation.

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  11. Elizabeth YoungAugust 9, 2011 at 10:12 PM

    This gripping piece actually reminded me of someone who has traditionally had no voice, but little by little are emerging from the shadows. I particularly love the phrases 'unpunctuated sentences' and 'to shelter her memories.' Brilliant.

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  12. signed...bkmAugust 9, 2011 at 11:06 PM

    thanks all for reading and comments....my muse had taken a day off..but when she returned..she carried with her that first stanza..and thankful she did...bkm

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  13. TashtooAugust 10, 2011 at 7:28 AM

    Like being stalked by memory...this is a piece that will linger long. Your muse returned with a vengeance!

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  14. TanviAugust 10, 2011 at 8:24 AM

    Sometimes..its a big confusion isn't it?! :D

    Cheers,

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  15. UnknownAugust 10, 2011 at 9:49 AM

    I get the sense that, with age and experience, she realizes she needs something other than what she first committed to. She needs different from community's norm.

    Well done, Barbara!

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  16. AnonymousAugust 10, 2011 at 11:09 AM

    This is great writing, strong throughout. My only quibble might be with the word "contrary." It threw me off a bit, but I was back in stride again by the dash in the third line of that stanza.

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  17. signed...bkmAugust 10, 2011 at 11:28 AM

    thanks Matt..I was going to use the word against..but it seemed to simple...bkm

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  18. CarysAugust 10, 2011 at 12:11 PM

    swallowing
    walkways of cobble - brindled brown - wonderful use of language combined with imagery here.

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  19. BeachannyAugust 10, 2011 at 12:42 PM

    I think you have captured my state of mind lately--it certainly has been filled with afterthoughts, lacking punctuation; nevertheless a desire to keep things plumb, mustn't lose all to the ether, some organization and focus navigating city streets for sure. Your work, brilliant, as usual. I respect it always. Gay

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  20. ClaudiaAugust 10, 2011 at 12:56 PM

    moving in un-punctuated sentences and the cross-stitched landscape.. i like...last stanza is a bit mysterious...feel the urge to break free somehow..

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  21. UnknownAugust 10, 2011 at 4:41 PM

    Your metaphorical talents really leave me in pure joy. From beginning to end I adored this piece. Another stunning write my friend ~ Rose

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  22. dsAugust 10, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    Reverie is like that--unpunctuated sentences, cobbles swallowed, unlined even when marked plumb. Or so I felt while reading this. It casts a spell...
    Thank you.

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  23. AnonymousAugust 12, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    tell your muse she shall get a smile. from me..
    this is quite nice..
    really like these lines:
    "to shelter her memories
    as unconstrained
    pathways - unevenly mastered
    unlined
    or marked plumb"

    ReplyDelete

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