Sunday, July 31, 2011

circling the wagons

you have
to find some clarity
when facing a
burnt out sun
when eight and half

planets refuse to circle
the wagons, and comet
turns metal
into piled rustbucket - there is
water somewhere (out there)
to be harvested, to be
invested in

nothing
will be, can be spared - not
country nor concubine
heartless as it
sounds

tin-man just got
the ax...

bkmackenzie
copyrighted 2011

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36 comments:

  1. Tess KincaidJuly 31, 2011 at 8:38 PM

    I love the easy flow of this one, B. One of your best, I think!

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  2. signed...bkmJuly 31, 2011 at 8:41 PM

    thanks Tess...the sun was the first thing that came to mind on this one...bkm

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  3. ReflectionsJuly 31, 2011 at 8:50 PM

    Wonderful write. love the flow, the breezy feeling of your words.

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  4. Brian MillerJuly 31, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    yikes for the tin man...i do think there is water and maybe life out there...maybe...nice pen bk

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  5. kelvin s.m.August 1, 2011 at 1:44 AM

    ..hotness penned in an airy tone... i like that.. adorable!

    ~Kelvin

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  6. LiAugust 1, 2011 at 4:03 AM

    "tin man just got the axe" is a great wrap-up line and can be interpreted several ways by the reader, an element of writing which I enjoy.

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  7. Uma AnandaneAugust 1, 2011 at 7:51 AM

    This one is so nice ...the ending made it all

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  8. HelenAugust 1, 2011 at 10:18 AM

    Poor Tin Man! Eight and a half is way too young to have to cope with him getting the ax! I love your Magpie.

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  9. laurie kolpAugust 1, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    This one makes a statement... powerful!

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  10. Kay L. DaviesAugust 1, 2011 at 12:27 PM

    Your "eight and a half planets" made me laugh out loud.
    Then I thought of the ancient mariner's "Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink" — a sobering thought.
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  11. FireblossomAugust 1, 2011 at 2:21 PM

    Not country nor concubine...I like that.

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  12. Jenne' R. Andrews August 1, 2011 at 4:50 PM

    wow-- so nice to see the imaginative leaps in this poem. lovely! xxxj

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  13. Ann GrenierAugust 1, 2011 at 7:51 PM

    "...nothing will be spared." The tin man wanted a heart and he got the ax. It seems hopeless then. Woe to us. A dark but thought provoking poem.

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  14. SuzAugust 1, 2011 at 8:22 PM

    terrific

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  15. Erratic ThoughtsAugust 2, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    This is truly amzaing...:)

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  16. MartinAugust 2, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    Killer finish, "...tin-man just got
    the ax..."

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  17. ScarletAugust 2, 2011 at 2:32 PM

    your last line kicks this post ~

    thanks ~

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  18. MaureenAugust 2, 2011 at 2:33 PM

    Great write. I especially like the first stanza and the tin-man lines.

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  19. AnonymousAugust 2, 2011 at 3:49 PM

    Cool to hear about the tin man..finally!

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  20. UnknownAugust 2, 2011 at 3:53 PM

    Haunting truth encased in wonderful imagery. This is a stunning write ~ Rose

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  21. BKPAugust 2, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    You had me at "Eight and a half... planets" The ax doesn't spare even the most endearing.

    -Pounds

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  22. Pat HattAugust 2, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    Poor tinman haha, yeah also think there is defintely water out there, life too of some form or another.

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  23. libithinaAugust 2, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    a lovely read ~ swirling round those 8 and a half planets ~ Ouch!! Ax for the Tin Man ~ :) Lib

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  24. DaydreamertooAugust 2, 2011 at 6:59 PM

    Fabulous write and a very enjoyable read.

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  25. JinksyAugust 3, 2011 at 2:10 AM

    turns metal
    into piled rustbucket

    What a wonderful insult this could be? Imagine saying " You piled rustbucket!" to somebody who annoyed you?LOL

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  26. ClaudiaAugust 3, 2011 at 7:48 AM

    your words scratch like metal across the page and makes this very effective...killer last line as well..

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  27. lucychiliAugust 3, 2011 at 7:54 AM

    i imagined the tinman standing ax in hand at the end

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  28. TashtooAugust 3, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    The final line blew me right off my feet! Awesome! (poor tin man!)

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  29. hedgewitchAugust 3, 2011 at 3:04 PM

    You've said so much in such a short piece, and made the turn of the rusty wheel speak for many things.I love the words, and I love the spaces.

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  30. AnonymousAugust 3, 2011 at 5:37 PM

    eight and a half planets, piled rust bucket

    Love it!

    Beth

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  31. Joseph HeschAugust 3, 2011 at 8:10 PM

    I read this a few times and thought, sci-fi, fantasy, allegory. Nope it's a darn good and thoughtful poem full brilliant images that express a world of truth and imagination.

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  32. Ostensible TruthAugust 4, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    love these lines - "you have
    to find some clarity
    when facing a
    burnt out sun
    when eight and half

    planets refuse to circle
    the wagons, and comet
    turns metal
    into piled rustbucket " - great wordbending!! nice!

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  33. UnknownAugust 4, 2011 at 1:38 PM

    Wow! So much power in this piece, we are so insignificant to the influence of higher powers at play, loved the piece! ~ Rose

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  34. waysidewordgardenAugust 6, 2011 at 2:30 AM

    "there is water somewhere (out there)"...powerful piece, powerful ending which can be interpreted in different ways. Enjoyed this very much!

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  35. Carrie Van HornAugust 6, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    Oh how i have missed you Bkm....your writing always amazes me....I love this one! :-)

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  36. dsAugust 11, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    Wonderful. I love the way you move from the "burnt out sun" to the tin man's axe, seeking water everywhere...yes. Thank you.

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