Sunday, July 31, 2011

circling the wagons

you have
to find some clarity
when facing a
burnt out sun
when eight and half

planets refuse to circle
the wagons, and comet
turns metal
into piled rustbucket - there is
water somewhere (out there)
to be harvested, to be
invested in

nothing
will be, can be spared - not
country nor concubine
heartless as it
sounds

tin-man just got
the ax...

bkmackenzie
copyrighted 2011

37 comments:

  1. I love the easy flow of this one, B. One of your best, I think!

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  2. thanks Tess...the sun was the first thing that came to mind on this one...bkm

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  3. Wonderful write. love the flow, the breezy feeling of your words.

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  4. yikes for the tin man...i do think there is water and maybe life out there...maybe...nice pen bk

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  5. ..hotness penned in an airy tone... i like that.. adorable!

    ~Kelvin

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  6. "tin man just got the axe" is a great wrap-up line and can be interpreted several ways by the reader, an element of writing which I enjoy.

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  7. This one is so nice ...the ending made it all

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  8. Poor Tin Man! Eight and a half is way too young to have to cope with him getting the ax! I love your Magpie.

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  9. This one makes a statement... powerful!

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  10. Your "eight and a half planets" made me laugh out loud.
    Then I thought of the ancient mariner's "Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink" — a sobering thought.
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  11. Not country nor concubine...I like that.

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  12. wow-- so nice to see the imaginative leaps in this poem. lovely! xxxj

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  13. "...nothing will be spared." The tin man wanted a heart and he got the ax. It seems hopeless then. Woe to us. A dark but thought provoking poem.

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  14. Killer finish, "...tin-man just got
    the ax..."

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  15. your last line kicks this post ~

    thanks ~

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  16. Great write. I especially like the first stanza and the tin-man lines.

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  17. Cool to hear about the tin man..finally!

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  18. Haunting truth encased in wonderful imagery. This is a stunning write ~ Rose

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  19. You had me at "Eight and a half... planets" The ax doesn't spare even the most endearing.

    -Pounds

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  20. Poor tinman haha, yeah also think there is defintely water out there, life too of some form or another.

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  21. a lovely read ~ swirling round those 8 and a half planets ~ Ouch!! Ax for the Tin Man ~ :) Lib

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  22. Fabulous write and a very enjoyable read.

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  23. turns metal
    into piled rustbucket

    What a wonderful insult this could be? Imagine saying " You piled rustbucket!" to somebody who annoyed you?LOL

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  24. your words scratch like metal across the page and makes this very effective...killer last line as well..

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  25. i imagined the tinman standing ax in hand at the end

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  26. The final line blew me right off my feet! Awesome! (poor tin man!)

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  27. You've said so much in such a short piece, and made the turn of the rusty wheel speak for many things.I love the words, and I love the spaces.

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  28. eight and a half planets, piled rust bucket

    Love it!

    Beth

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  29. I read this a few times and thought, sci-fi, fantasy, allegory. Nope it's a darn good and thoughtful poem full brilliant images that express a world of truth and imagination.

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  30. love these lines - "you have
    to find some clarity
    when facing a
    burnt out sun
    when eight and half

    planets refuse to circle
    the wagons, and comet
    turns metal
    into piled rustbucket " - great wordbending!! nice!

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  31. Wow! So much power in this piece, we are so insignificant to the influence of higher powers at play, loved the piece! ~ Rose

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  32. "there is water somewhere (out there)"...powerful piece, powerful ending which can be interpreted in different ways. Enjoyed this very much!

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  33. Oh how i have missed you Bkm....your writing always amazes me....I love this one! :-)

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  34. Wonderful. I love the way you move from the "burnt out sun" to the tin man's axe, seeking water everywhere...yes. Thank you.

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