Tuesday, December 14, 2010

began the snow


i.

crushed cranberry
stained my lips, tied apron, hands
against me....you placed strength your hips;
orange-clove Christmas'ed  the pantry
air - the warmth
winter's taste lent
aglow......while melting its magic
began the
snow...


ii.


fled the light...the
simplest sigh, slipping away
as did i...barren the fading
bitter wind - i'll haste tomorrow
love come again...not spring, nor
summer, nor autumn's call....i
shall love
you but winter...sweetest
maid of all

bkmackenzie
copyrighted 2010

Posted for One Shot Wednesday: Where Poets, Writers and Artists Meet. and

Poets United Thursday Think Tank...smell

48 comments:

  1. A strong voice here. Love the fragmented sentences which still carry a full picture.

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  2. This was sheer winter magic, bkm... And I so love winter (irrespective of the ice and the mind numbing cold)

    These were really very sweet odes to this beautiful season.. love just melts like those melting snowflakes..

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  3. Perfect, theme-/season-taut piece.

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  4. I like the way you've reverse-ordered things to make the words more singular, make the reader examine each phrase for meaning, and I really really liked that last stanza. Just a beautiful look at why we need winter every bit as much as the other three seasons.

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  5. lovely the smells and tastes in the first stanza open the door for the second stanza which is superb...

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  6. Winter's ode. Wonderful and visually alive just the way I like it.

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  7. Ohhh, how I always look forward to your posts!
    This has very unique motion...pulling the reader down the page.

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  8. I agree with the others about the second stanza. It easily can stand on its own. Lovely.

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  9. I just love the great picture of the season that you've created.

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  10. Thank you all. Think here Winter Lovers..the first stanza hers the second his.. bkm

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  11. A song of winter that I've really never known. A beautiful work.

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  12. Beautiful. I love way you create the feelings of the season though its sights and smells.

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  13. A poem of love, one of my favorite kinds. I loved the structure of this poem, so unique. Thank you for sharing.

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  14. The aromas yo conjure in the first are wonderful & speak so of Christmas. I re-read the poem again after reading your comment to see the masculine/feminine split and it is there. I like the flow in the 2nd stanza better I think, but the images from the 1st call me more (perhaps that speaks more of me than anything- hmm)

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  15. Beautiful poem, with a different explanation of the tastes and smells of Christmas.

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  16. I love this back-and-forth ode to winter and to love. The concrete first stanza, and the gorgeous wind-borne second.(Yes, I read your comment,but the feeling was there without it) Thank you.

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  17. Barbara,

    Would that any season brought such immediate, wanted, experience!

    Winter cold and darkness. It does need berry crush.

    Trulyfool

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  18. first i like the images, there is that gothic, mystic element in it

    and i enjoyed very much your way of prose, they are "so alive"

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  19. a real masterpiece this one.winter always brings love along..mystical imagery only rendered more beauty to it! Marvelous poem..:)

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  20. Yes, Love is not exclusive to the realm of Spring nor Fall... nice One Shot!

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  21. You are in your own league BKM - great poem.

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  22. what powerful writing - wow - this was fantastic - you just swept me off my feet with this - started with the cranberry stained lips and didn't let me go throughout the whole poem - kudos!!

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  23. Damn, that may be the best poem of yours I've ever had the pleasure to read. The emotion comes through the imagery so clearly it is impossible to miss! Everything, from the slant rhyme scheme to the word choice to the way you chose strong verbs made the poem complete unto itself. I wish I could write something like this! Most excellent writing duder. Not sure what else I can say except again how great the poem was.

    crb.

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  24. SO nice to see winter in such a positive light. The first line in the second stanza was my favorite!

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  25. Great words and images Barbara. And great shapes to the poems too.

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  26. I live the form and flow, just beautiful like a poem of yesterday. The second stanza is incredible.

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  27. thank you everyone for the wonderful comments on this write...i have held the image of the cranberry stained lips in my mind for a couple of weeks..i am glad it came together in this form....blessings to all...bkm

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  28. You've captured a different (more graceful?) time. Really beautiful.

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  29. This is really beautiful. The artist in you shines.

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  30. Seems many liked the second stanza. Me too, but I thought the first stanza was more memorable by ending the last line on snow, which seemes to create a falling effect. Beautifully written poem.

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  31. Caribbean Fool said it all. (Except of course he was a bit more technically specific than I know how to be...) This is my new favorite. Just plain AWESOME.

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  32. Such a beautiful flow to this wonderful poem!

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  33. Love the humanness of your seasons, fair maidens be they all... wonderful expression.

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  34. I was blushing while reading your poetry, sensually tantalizing line by line. Sigh!

    lovely and memorable,

    joanny

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  35. Bkm, I can say You are one of my few fave ones... poetess

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  36. orange-clove Christmas'ed the pantry - that's poetry

    warmest

    Luke @ WordSalad

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  37. I am so loving your poetry, bkm......lyrical and evocative and makes one stretch a bit while reading it, always a good thing. (My mind needs more gymnastics!) Really flows beautifully. Love "the sweetest maid of all".

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  38. Your words definitely linger upon the mind...felt for sure.

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  39. bkm,
    I just loved the imagery evoked by yur words.Something of a winter scene from a time long gone.
    Beautiful...

    Best wishes, Eileen

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  40. This is so beautiful. This feels like Christmas.

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  41. A flow a poem, a nice poem indeed..:)

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  42. Beautiful and I don't even like winter! ;-)

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  43. Winter was such a long time ago for me but your words truly brought it back for me.

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  44. I love all the seasons, the imagery making it so beautiful~ I love the line "while melting its magic...began the snow" Great poem!

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  45. I love the sense of being in another time you've captured in this piece. Beautiful.

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  46. Really - love this piece
    love wrapped in winter's guise

    Smiles

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