if i allowed myself
the pain of it i could see you there
in the corner of my soul -
between our meeting place
between the space where we did never touch
but in want of it
but i knew you
and so you me - and if i allowed myself
the pain of it
the memory would be as clear
as the day i saw you
there - before the pain before the memory
before we were apart
before the pain
bkmackenzie 2019
copyrighted
imaginary garden with real toads Apart
This poem overflows with pain. I love the thought of seeing someone ‘in the corner of my soul’.
ReplyDeletePain is the amniotic fluid of the lost and never-to-be embrace -- there is a courage in inviting it, that one may see into that corner of union. (What did Rilke say, that the best lovers can do is protect & border & greet each other, I and Beloved, I and Thou, separated forever by these great saline waters ... which are yet of a We ....
ReplyDeleteOh gosh this hits you right in the gut .. so beautifully poignant.❤️
ReplyDeleteSomehow this seems circular, like the eddy of regret that can't find its way from the heart. Lovely, melancholy stuff, b.
ReplyDeleteWe never know how bad the pain will be before the pain.
ReplyDeleteYes, circular or like waves for sure. It's that whole thing about exposing yourself to the possibility of pain, even at this level, in order to feel the connection that might be lost. I appreciate this.
ReplyDeleteI feel that only parting can replace the pain... maybe there will only be a gentle ache...
ReplyDeleteI like, “if I allowed myself”. Goes right to the core.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful poem!! It is solid, and it is deep. We wish things could have been different, but life as a way to find our real selves, and sometimes it is in pain. Each time we dig deeper.
ReplyDeleteThe intense tone is perfect to convey the sharp pain of a broken heart.
ReplyDeleteThe way this poem shows us pain, wearing a different shape/face in every stanza... does such a great job at letting us know just how versatile the hurt of loving and parting and remembering (oh, that remembering) can be. The final stanza is pure devastation... But at the same time, it reminds us that although there was a lot of hurting, there was also a lot wonderful "before we were apart / before the pain".
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLovely writing, BK. The pain and allowing or not allowing is great, but the 'not part' is hard to do. Been there. I am in the not allow now but still visions break the silence. And almost every day a stifled sob coming with an involuntary inward sigh. It brings a memory recall. That's been 61 years now since the split. Just me I suppose, I can't imagine her having those at all, ever.
ReplyDelete..
it never does end..there is only distraction...bkm
DeleteSad and full of melancholy. Such pain.
ReplyDeleteThere is yearning and longing here.
ReplyDeleteI feel the pain is the bonding factor. It is expressed so poignantly.
ReplyDeletehttps://ideasolsi65.blogspot.com/2019/05/ups-and-downs.html
This is so sad, and full of pain.
ReplyDelete"before" ... such a powerful word here.
ReplyDeleteLovely and sad - "but in want of it" really gets me at the end of the first stanza.
ReplyDelete